theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my shit smells like andre
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
