Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
