I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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