He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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