Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize