Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
