ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
where am i from again
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
