Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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