There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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