btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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