I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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