what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
