google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
