Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
