I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
