i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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