I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
