I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
