I CAN MOONWALK!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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