i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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