She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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