You can't motorboat a personality
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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