Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
