we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
