I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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