I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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