I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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