chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i dont even know how to be here
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
