Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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