Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
