Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize