I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
