yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
