i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
