Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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