Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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