you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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