I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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