not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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