I have demons in me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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