Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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