Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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