come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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