No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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