Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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