Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
