Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
