I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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