Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
