I cannot find my penis.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do vagina's smell?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
