Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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