a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
