So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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