I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize