She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
