Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
