My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
