I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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