What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize