I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
