at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
