I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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