I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
