Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
