I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
