Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
