Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
