just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As shirtless as possible
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
