So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
