I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
