PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
