she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
