I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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