He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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