this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
