Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
