Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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