are you still at the devil's house?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize