quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
