it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
