Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
