Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
