I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
