you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
