went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
