I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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