I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
