Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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