her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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