my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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