too bad you live with your parents still
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
