Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
