If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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