you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
