piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize