I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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