Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
