I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ketchup is God's man juice
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
