I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
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